Some writers are methodical. They have detailed outlines of their plots, descriptions of their characters, and notes of research to help advance their story. I respect that type of writer. I, on the other hand, tend to open my laptop and start typing as fast as possible as one singular idea bubbles out of my consciousness.
As someone who’s always enjoyed writing fiction, I’ve always appreciated my hyperactive imagination and it’s ability to take one small detail (or word prompt) and extrapolate it into a completely new scenario; it’s especially noticeable when I sit down to write with nothing in mind, only to have a screen full of words moments later. That simple practice of thinking, “what if” helps me craft characters, backstories, plot lines, dialogue, and build worlds. But it’s also a trait that hasn’t felt as helpful as it relates to the inner world of my emotions and my thought life.
In retrospect, it’s easy to see that omitting meditation from my daily habits and the lack of discipline I’ve exerted on my imagination helped to set the scene for what I thought was my norm, even though those moments of being “somewhat stressed” felt anything but normal. What would start with one thought about a pressing problem would quickly devolve into a seemingly insurmountable scenario of tears, panicky racing thoughts, and feelings of frustration, as I pondered the “what ifs” that left me feeling dizzy and boxed in by anxiety. But in my mind, I was okay. I mean, that wasn’t my everyday experience… that often… anymore.
But soon after seeing the plastic-bag wearing fashionista I was having one of those moments, trying in futility to come up with viable solutions. The summer months had set in, bringing hours of sunlight and a very distinct thickness to the humid air in Manhattan. I paced back and forth feeling suffocated and helpless, when a simple, startling statement completely interrupted my personal tornado of cascading emotions.
“You know, you’re not an anxious person. You’re actually being attacked by anxiety.”
My downward spiral was completely halted by this shocking statement.
Being a person who’s probably WAY too cerebral, I stopped to ponder this revelation, realizing:
- I’d actually always thought the way I was feeling was my normal state, that it was my understandable reaction to my current circumstances.
- If anxiety wasn’t part of my character or natural state of being, then I could actually live the remainder of my days without being fearful, anxious, or worried. I could actually “fear not,” “take no thought,” and “worry for nothing,” regardless of what was going on in my life.
And just like that, one simple statement of truth reminded me that sustained freedom from the enemy and his sidekicks was not only possible for me, but it was purchased for me so I could live a good life free from fear.
But it would be up to me to enforce that freedom, to remind the enemy (and myself) that I wasn’t created to be bullied, pushed around, or cower in fear. I wasn’t created to take on a false definition of life while actually depriving myself of really living. I knew that if I gave into fear and allowed it to lead my thoughts and dictate my actions in 2020, it would only grow and I could easily turn into the woman walking down the sidewalk, slowly suffocating to death.
And that’s when my journey into meditation began anew.
That’s when I was reminded of something simple, but very true: The Word works and is for every part of me. And anything I might need, any problem I might face, has a solution that was given centuries ago in the Word.
Much of the Bible is multi-faceted. There’s history, prophecy, foreshadowing, poetry, wisdom and warnings. But a lot of the Bible is very practical instruction that anyone can understand for living a successful life. And in that finite moment, in the summer of 2020, living free from the grip of fear and anxiety seemed to be the definition of success.
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:8–9
Now I had spent years meditating off and on, but for some reason—that I would’ve probably attributed to being too busy—I had grown lax in this vital discipline, and a few others. But in the craziness of 2020, as the temperatures soared, I returned to what I knew would undoubtedly work—biblical meditation.
I specify biblical meditation, to distinguish it from thinking of nothing or simply thinking happy or positive thoughts. Happy thoughts are great, but those approaches aren’t as helpful when you want to permanently evict fear from your life, instead of downsizing and giving it a smaller room in your house, pretending it’s not really there controlling you. But I’ll get more into that later.
For now, it’s safe to say that that one statement completely revolutionized my thinking about myself, my future, my present, and my possibilities. As simple as it was, I believe it wasn’t a revolutionary truth that only applies to my life. For anyone else feeling the weight of incessant questions and the bullying of worry, fear, and anxiety, I firmly believe, you’re not an anxious person. What you’re feeling is not you and it’s not your permanent state of being. And yes, it might be a natural outcome based on what you’re seeing, experiencing, or even hearing, but it’s not you. You are not your every emotion. Emotions are great indicators and can be extremely helpful. Personally, I don’t believe in trying to eliminate our emotions or belittling them, God gave them to us for a reason. But here is one gentle reminder: Your emotions are valid and they are real, but not every circumstance influencing your emotions is valid and real. Believe me, I know this from experience.
As we meditate upon the Word, we are able to keep our emotions aligned with truth. We find the things that used to cripple our day and send us running in terror are becoming slight annoyances and are even laughable, because we now know who we are, what belongs to us, and Who can actually turn everything around to work for our good.
Dealing with fear may be a new thing that came along in 2020 or something that you’ve lived with for years. Regardless of the depth of your experience with anxiety or the length of your fight, I’m confident the Word can free you. You were not made to be bullied. You were made to experience and do great things and freedom from fear is the pathway.